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No, but seriously, imagine it:

It's 2015. Your favourite site is threatening to plaster ads on every page you visit. You're trying to remember what special character you added to the end of your new password. You lost another argument to some shut-in who seems to get off on making people miserable. Hey, wanna see him suffer?

HELL YES I DO!

No, I don't. What's wrong with you?

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Paul Theta is a Ufologist and creator of the organisation APE (A.K.A Aerial Phenomena for Enthusiasts). You might’ve seen other users criticising him recently, and whilst we’re all for fair discussions here we feel as though the lurkers deserve to know exactly what spurred what might come across as an unfair hate train. A little over a month ago—One sided nonsense. Could be interesting, though. Definitely not from the freaks on here, however.Jude lights a cigarette. His orange-tinged fingers click clack on his keyboard in the manner they always had since he’d watched The Matrix as a 10-year-old boy and adopted the habit as a way of feeling more like a shady, sunglasses-wearing internet hacker than he was ever smart enough to actually be. He rolls his cigarette between his lips so that it doesn’t stick to the dry skin and rip it off as he types: Paul Theta.Who are you?

He tries not to let himself smile at the weird titbits about him.

Paul Theta is a lying sick FUCK who sells fake tech to REAL Ufologists. Paul Theta is telling the truth, click here to find out what about! Paul Theta is lying about being a 30-year-old man from California, he’s actually a 50-year-old man from New Mexico. Paul Theta is MISSING -- and has been for years.Jude’s cigarette burns close enough to his mouth that it’s starting to hurt his lips. His eyes widen, for a second, and then narrow. Yeah, right. He thinks. Obviously some basement dweller who got in way over his head. What was that about tech?

USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST:
21:33:01 19/02/09
Paul Theta is a lying sick FUCK who sells fake tech to REAL Ufologists
Ok whoever is reading this plz tell me if anyone else has run into this Paul “theta” guy. So i was looking for some new tech for my setup in Texas and thought i should upgrade my data probe iv to a data probe v. i was being cheap so i thought i’d check for second hand sellers coz my buddy in maine got his shit second hand and saved a lot of money doing it that way. Already spent so much on my new Mexico setup i thought it was for the best. Anyway. I was looking in the normal places like xgear shuttlecox whatever and nothing came up until i checked this random guy’s personal site “paul theta” (like that’s his real fucking name LOL) and finally found a reasonably priced data probe v. maybe too reasobale because this shit DOESN’T FUCKING WORK. Gives fake readings and is so shoddily made it basically fell apart the moment i plugged it in. don’t buy from this lying FREAK if you do don’t promote his shit coz even if yours works youre still promoting some tourist who obviously doean’t care about the sanctity of an ALREADY OPPRESSED FIELD OF STUOkay, maybe they’re all basement dwellers.The dehumidifier whirrs in the background as his eyes scan for more information.

REASON FOR BAN: user is under investigation in connection to the dude’s case, and we’re not taking the fucking blame for that lolAn alarm that sounds a bit like a guy saying “Okay, that must count as destruction of evidence.” plays in Jude’s head, but he pays it no mind. At least the post is still up. He guesses it’s fine. “The dude’s case” is something to consider though. Maybe the missing person thing wasn’t bullshit. He clicks on the link.

Looking for: Information on Paul Theta
Posting here because I've tried basically everything else at this point. My name is Ula (don't feel comfortable giving my last name on a public forum, sorry) and I'm looking for information about the whereabouts of my (ex?) partner Paul Theta. He's Caucasian, has black hair, about 5'5", and has been "missing" (at least to me) since early 2012. If this sounds familiar to you at all please contact me at [email protected]. And if for some reason you're coming across this, Paul, please reach out. I won't be angry. I just miss you.His partner’s email address. Ula, weird name.Jude starts to feel an itch. Not really a physical one, but similar. He reaches for a cigarette, lights it, and leans back in his fold out chair.The itch is still there. The concrete floor of his parents’ basement suddenly feels a lot fucking colder. He thinks about the fact he doesn’t have a girlfriend. He mulls over the complexities of not having a job. He thinks about winning his third-grade spelling bee and stubs his cigarette out angrily.What’s the worst that could happen?

He smiles.

Hey man. Did you get here by clicking on something I put on the website as a joke? It's okay, we've all been there. Let's get you back home.You were on a page from the comic? Oh, okay. Well you can just hit the back button in your browser window. You always had the option to do that.Were you on page one? Was it the article about why girls don't like you? Maybe it's the fact you click random links. They probably find it really annoying that you do that. You're a cybercriminal's wet dream, though.